January 2012
1 post
the police force
There is no simulation good enough to prepare us for every scenario out in our field of work. What we do everyday is learn the hard way. We fight a war against crime every day, and serve the members of public within our means. Regardless of the rich, or the poor; the living, or the dead; The sane, or the insane. No job is more noble than this job.
December 2011
3 posts
Spent my holidays at home
No girlfriend. No flings. Now..?
No friends. Maybe life really doesn’t want me to have attachments so I could focus on my career. Maybe it’s for the best. But I’m crying out for a life to lead. Life’s been too dull lately. I need colours.
Ageing along
For the record: When I was 19, a few of my juniors in my CCA thought I was a freshman (17 y/o). When I was 21 (still am), my colleagues in the SPF guessed that I was done with my NS and joined when I’m 23.
So much for “kidface”.
November 2011
3 posts
Deep Thinking
What if there weren’t any religion to guide us.
That would mean no rewards of Heaven and no punishments in Hell for the after life.
Would people still contribute to charity, and abstain from what’s wrong yet tempting?
Few, obviously, sadly too. Just look at our current standing even with religions in place, this world is still a mess. If you’d read the papers, petty crimes...
New phase?
Unusual body odour/scent emanating from pits. Unusual dreams about chicks came across daily. Unusual urge to display affections to the other gender.
As title?
uniquely me
Wonder if someone more fun, more caring, more sincere than me is your new thing right now. Because you always said I was special.
September 2011
3 posts
Rant
I was fuming with rage when I saw their relationship status.
Even though I already knew and “got over” it.
Maybe it wasn’t about the fact that they were together.
More like how my friends could go and bless them with a ‘like’ to their status.
It made me feel alone.
Like even though I thought they were siding me, they still supported them.
A secondary sense of...
Prawning
I spent my entire Bangkok trip rationalising.
Convinced myself that its not about her that I’m feeling sad.
It’s the lost of a friend, a brother, a disappointment in a character, that brings this sorrow.
Never would have thought a kind man like him would be so unscrupulous.
One that I trusted with my feelings, one I felt was harmless, yet he wounded me like how I was in the past..
...
Rewind time.
That should be me, holding your hand.
I was too slow. Too slow.
He betrayed me, big time.
Wish I could rewind time by 2 weeks,
play my cards right and block his move.
August 2011
4 posts
8 days
Counting down to the days till we meet again. Definitely gonna miss her mirths and silliness. :)
Hearty Dance
it’s like we’re doing the cha cha, or the tango.
Push and pull, push and pull.
I hope it evolves into ball room dancing.
Unliking in progress
If I had a chance, she’d leave some hint. If she wasn’t, she’d leave some hint too. So, no hints, what does that mean? Maybe I’ll take a step back and let life play it out for me.
Graduating Confession
2 more weeks and we’ll be through. 2 more weeks to say “I adore you”.
Well, maybe not.
July 2011
3 posts
Know what's good for you
Opportunity visits you once in a while. Temptation leans on the fucking door bell.
Sometimes its better to drop the chance because it may just be another temptational test of the devil.
That’s why I refuse you.
Abstinence
Since April,
I don’t shop for clothes anymore I don’t catch movies in theatres anymore I don’t spend on booze anymore I don’t smoke anymore (I was a social) I don’t hit the clubs anymore (It’s been hard resisting friends) I don’t even stay out pass midnight anymore.
It’s like I threw away the entire lifestyle that she had created for me, sadly...
Look back
Flipping through the pages of my tumblr, although just summarised words, reignites all the memories that were created, in detail.
All the little flings I had, all the overly emotional thoughts I had regarding them, and how much I missed that one girl I once had. Luckily I stayed off reposting the emotional works of others, published only the original shit from my heart.
It’s a blessing, to...
May 2011
2 posts
If you love somebody, set her free. If she comes back, she’s yours.
If she doesn’t, well…
Life's an illusion
Forget bygones with a cut to sever them all, then will we understand what is before us.
April 2011
2 posts
Ever realised this?
The deepest meanings can be found in the lamest of excuses
Flaw discovered
Again, I read my diary.
Again, I felt the imaturity.
But this time, I made a breakthrough.
I’m still making the same major mistake I made.
Emoing.
“Words said can’t be taken back.”
and I still didn’t learn to shut up. Epic intelligence
March 2011
6 posts
I couldn't, but she could.
10 months of chemistry and all we could make was a formula that was too weak.
I feel crappy.
Asked myself: if I could rewind time, what would I do?
Back to before she got with him and make sure she’s mine, or back to after she got with him and stay the f away.
I don’t fucking know.
Won't stop lovin'
Can’t fucking end.
So much for determination.
Meant to lust forever? haha
Won't go on like this
And thus ends our chapter.
Thank you for the time and joy.
Old School Motto
Think Less, Enjoy Life As It Is.
I reflect
and realise that you are my retribution.
The tough decision, to leave this cycle of suffering or to go through it because I deserve this shit.
February 2011
8 posts
Takes 2 to clap
We swing 2 hands together to form a clap.
We can still clap with one swinging hand and one unmoving palm.
But if the fist is closed, or if the palm pulls away, the swinging palm will never be able to create the clap.
All that’s left is an idiotic looking palm swinging wildly in the air.
That’s how I felt last night.
They love me
She took the repellent and packed it for me.
He searched all over the house unknowingly, because he wanted me to have it.
How cute that they both thought about the same thing.
How touching that they both care as much.
Sayonara
Just one last test of worthiness
and you blew it, just like that.
Wake up call
Old one don’t go, new one won’t come.
Stupid me
You emptied my soul within a week.
So this is the risk I’ve been told of.
Nobody else
Because… ILMCGF :)
A note to my future self
You have no one else to blame but yourself if you can’t keep a girl.
Nothing sucks more
Than to realise you’re the third party of a relationship.
I was filling up my personal diary with feelings, followed by facts. When I reread, I felt like slapping myself. One thing you don’t realise when you’re in one is that you’re in the wrong. Because everything would seem like its your right to be with her. And the more she touches you, the more you want to make that...
January 2011
3 posts
I miss last week
Dear you,
Last night when you held back, I felt so sad.
Like we demolished all that we’ve built together over months.
As gay as it sounds, I was crumbling on the inside.
Were you just putting on a front, or were you truly worried about me, I don’t know. Because unfair or not, I didn’t care. I just wanted to live happy with you in as many moments of my life. I thought I made...
Why I stayed
Why push on when its so unhappy. It’s because I was always happy around her, that I couldn’t leave.
Could you have said the same?
Last night
a peck on the lips with a little tongue. Sweetest kiss, ever. :)
November 2010
3 posts
Saying sorry doesn't help cure disappointment
Did you consider how much I was looking forward to it?
It really shows how valuable I am to you.
Perhaps I’m too emotionally attached to this illusion of a connection.
Just wondering
What we have is unique and lasting, so would it be nice if it became more, or is the risk of losing all that we share not worth taking.
October 2010
0 posts
If I was a composer, this would be my song
The days we had, the things you said, the stuff we did together, will always be in my mind, no matter how distant the memory. I’ll miss you while I’m in there.
I hope you’ll miss me too.
August 2010
1 post
拿得起放得下
Some people think it’s holding on that makes us strong. Sometimes it’s about learning to let go what you picked up in the first place.
July 2010
7 posts
Hazel Said
“Can tell from your face that you sure have a lot of girlfriends one”
Sure reminds me of what someone else said to me.
Well, now we all know why girls don’t hit on me.
Time to change face!
K1
No matter who I catch a movie with, no matter who I walk home, its been more than a year, and I still think of you.
alek
people who talk smart are afraid that the world might think they’re retarded if they don’t.
and im saying they really are.
Contradict me.
I remembered how I forgot you.
I hate it when I love you.
(I’m not emoing its just a play of words)
VK
Even though we know our loved one will never look our way,
we can’t erase that small part that continues to hope in vain.
And then, after many worries and considerations…
umbrellax
Suddenly wonder how she’s doing, and feel sorry about the things I’ve said about her, though not in her face.
Lonely, but uninterested in finding new love interests. What’s that called? Stupidity or faithfulness?
June 2010
18 posts
I dream of hitting the lottery jackpot. whenever I shop and see expensive price tags: ‘if only I strike toto’. But not once did I harness enough patience to wait at in line to buy the chance to get rich quick. Not once this year.