I spent my entire Bangkok trip rationalising.

Convinced myself that its not about her that I’m feeling sad.

It’s the lost of a friend, a brother, a disappointment in a character, that brings this sorrow.

Never would have thought a kind man like him would be so unscrupulous.

One that I trusted with my feelings, one I felt was harmless, yet he wounded me like how I was in the past..

The story where I define how like-able a certain girl is and the listener falls for her to.

For years this has haunted me. To influence, that’s my talent, yet my curse.

But when I saw her at OC’s home yesterday, my flame of passion reignited.

Heart raced, I got nervous and tried my best not to look at her.

Damn it all, I thought I had closure already!

Maybe I was awaiting her reply to my letter still.

No, not maybe, still definitely am.

Then she came for the prawning with guys.

We had some quiet time to ourselves, spoke of our holidays.

It was like the happy chatty times during Ramadan. Before Charles.

When we parted I did not even shake hands as I wished her well, because I wanted a good bye hug that she would give, and though I was betrayed, I would never do the same.

But I was naive.

My heart still yearns for her after the night.

I wanted so badly to hear her voice again.

I wished there was HTA life so I could see her again.

But there wasn’t, and our separate divisional life would thus begin. 

I hereby promise myself to stray away from the life with thoughts of wanting her around, as I admit defeat to the reality of never having a chance with her.

Perhaps my love was not meant for her, though that’s not how I feel.

This is hereby closure to chapter 晓芬.